PrayerChainOnline

New Blog Site

2011-08-29T10:23:00.002-05:00

Please visit my new blog site that can be found at Prayer Chain Online.

Humble yourselves

2011-06-06T12:45:00.002-05:00

In 2 Chronicles 33:12, we find these verses regarding King Manasseh: "In his distress he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea."

Now, just so you understand how incredible God is and how powerful humility is, go back to the beginning of the chapter and read how wicked this king was. He was very evil and did not follow in his father's footsteps. He even sacrificed his own children in the fire! And now that he has been captured and is in the hands of the Assyrians, he is humbled and seeks the favor of the Lord.

My first thought was "Who are you to seek God's favor?" and "Why in the world would God even hear your prayer?" I don't think those are unrealistic questions. Perhaps you are thinking the same thing. In our humanness, we cannot even comprehend how God could forgive someone for turning against him and for being so wicked. And we certainly feel it is a little presumptuous to ask God for favor after you finally reap the consequences of your actions.

But lucky for us we are not God! There is something about this act of humbling ourselves that touches God's heart and causes him to answer prayers. To humble yourself means to lay aside your pride. It means to have a right view of yourself. It doesn't mean to tell God how worthless you are and abase yourself. It means to finally see yourself through God's eyes, the way he sees you. Do you think you would have pride in all your accomplishments if you saw them through the Creator's eyes? Could you really pat yourself on the back and brag about yourself if you saw your sinful heart through the holy eyes of God?

When you pray, ask God to open your eyes to see yourself the way he sees you. Humble yourself before him and ask him to forgive you for your pride and for trusting in your own wisdom instead of looking to him for guidance. Let him create a clean heart within you. He can and will forgive you for your sins, no matter how bad they are, if you come to him humbly and repent. Only when you humble yourself will God be moved and listen to your plea.

Unbelief

2011-05-20T15:45:00.002-05:00

Over the last few weeks I have really been consumed with studying the Scriptures to fully understand what it means to be baptized in the Spirit. It has really been bothering me because I see people who have only been Christians for a short time who are filled with the Spirit and speak in tongues and yet here I am, a Bible-college graduate who has been a Christian for over 30 years, reads the Bible every day, fervently loves the Lord and has experienced God’s blessings in my life. And yet I have no power, no fullness of the Spirit and I do not pray in tongues.

One thing that God showed me today is how much I am just like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. I am sure they looked on Jesus and his disciples with disdain. How could these uneducated fishermen led by a carpenter think they have the answers to life’s deepest questions when the Pharisees had trained their whole lives, practiced their religion with precision and performed pious acts for all to see. How could they have something that the Pharisees didn’t? It’s preposterous, really!

But God has taken the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. And my situation was no different. God took simple people and gave them his Spirit while he left me empty. Why? What did they have that I didn’t have? Why would God NOT give me the Spirit while he poured his Spirit on them? Was it because he was unhappy with me? Was it because I was too prideful? I thought about that and realized how much I had asked God to forgive me of all that. And besides, many people are not perfect when they come to Jesus and certainly, many of those I know who speak in tongues have tons of issues they are still working through. What then?

Through a series of events, thoughts and Scriptures, I came to realize that the reason I did not have the Holy Spirit is because I did not believe in the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Why in the world would God give me something that I didn’t really believe in? I thought about how Jesus said that unless we become like a little child we will not enter the kingdom of heaven. I used to think he was talking about innocence, but I think he is probably talking about faith. When you tell a child that you are going to do something, he just believes you. He then proceeds to act as if it were a sure thing that you were going to do it. He doesn’t think about it and assess whether or not he deserves it or how likely you are to follow through on your promise. You said it, he believes it, end of story.

I realized that the people I knew that were filled with the Holy Spirit all believed God’s promise to give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asks. They believe Jesus when he said he would send the Comforter and that we will receive whatever we ask for in prayer. I know that belief was critical when I became a Christian, but now for some reason I feel like I need to “earn” the Holy Spirit. Immediately, the verses in Galatians 3:1-6 came to mind:

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? Have you experienced so much in vain—if it really was in vain? So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard? So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”

Last night as I was praying, God told me “Be still and know that I am God”. First of all, being still means to stop striving, stop whatever you are doing and just stand still. I decided it was time to just get quiet before God. My first inclination is to find another book on the Holy Spirit or do more work or give more or pray more or do something to try to get God to answer my prayer. But God said be still. Then he said I should “know” that he is God. Knowing implies believing. I need to really know, deep down in my heart, that he is God and that what he said he will do, he will do. The promises that he has made in the Bible are trustworthy and sure. I need to KNOW that they are true and believe in my heart that what he has promised for me I can claim for myself and I can be sure they will happen. This is why Jesus said if we have faith even as a grain of mustard seed we can say to a mountain to move and it will move if we believe it.

So, to sum up what I learned, it is pretty simple yet revolutionary. I need to believe God’s word and his promises. You may be snickering, because this is so obvious. But think about it – do you really believe God’s promises? When you pray for the sick, do you REALLY believe that God is going to heal them or do you just tack on “if it be thy will” to save face in the event they aren’t healed? When Jesus says that anyone who asks receives and that you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer if you believe, do you really believe that? When you pray and ask for something, do you really, honestly, believe that he is going to give it to you? If you are completely honest with yourself, you will probably admit that there is always this nagging doubt about whether God will really answer. If you find yourself asking the same thing over and over and saying “I hope the Lord hears me” or “I hope he answers my prayer” then it means that you don’t really believe that he will. When you believe something, you act on it.

If you received a call today telling you (and giving you a written guarantee) that you have won the lottery, you would immediately act on it. Even before you actually get the money, you will probably be excited, jumping up and down, imagining what you will do with your money, making plans for how you will spend it, dreaming of how your life will be different. The belief that you will receive what you were promised would immediately be evidenced in your life and your attitude. Why should it be any different when we pray and ask God for something? You may say that we aren’t sure if he wants us to have what we ask for. Or you might say that there may be reasons why he wouldn’t give it to us. Or you may say that you know he is able but you don’t know if he is willing. Call it what you want, but it boils down to unbelief. Now maybe you are correct in not believing because you are asking for something you shouldn’t be asking for. But still, as long as you don’t believe, you will not receive.

Here are some helpful verses that you can believe in:

Matthew 21:22 (NIV)

²² If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Mark 9:23 (NIV)

²³ “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Mark 11:24 (NIV)

²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Mark 16:16 (NIV)

¹⁶ Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

Mark 16:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;

Luke 8:50 (NIV)

⁵⁰ Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”

John 1:12 (NIV)

¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

John 3:18 (NIV)

¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

John 6:35 (NIV)

³⁵ Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

John 7:38-39 (NIV)

³⁸ Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”^[^a^] By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

John 11:25 (NIV)

²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;

John 14:12 (NIV)

¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

Luke 3:16 (NIV)

¹⁶ John answered them all, “I baptize you with^[^a^] water. But one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with^[^b^] the Holy Spirit and fire.

Luke 10:21 (NIV)

²¹ At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

Luke 11:13 (NIV)

¹³ If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

John 14:26 (NIV)

²⁶ But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

John 15:26 (NIV)

The Work of the Holy Spirit

²⁶ “When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me.

John 20:22 (NIV)

²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.

Acts 1:8 (NIV)

⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Acts 2:4 (NIV)

⁴ All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[^a^] as the Spirit enabled them.

Acts 2:38 (NIV)

³⁸ Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 4:31 (NIV)

³¹ After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

Acts 5:32 (NIV)

³² We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey him.”

Acts 8 (NIV)

¹⁴ When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. ¹⁵ When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, ¹⁶ because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. ¹⁷ Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

Acts 9:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Acts 10:44 (NIV)

⁴⁴ While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message.

Acts 11:15 (NIV)

¹⁵ “As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as he had come on us at the beginning.

Acts 13:52 (NIV)

⁵² And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

Acts 19:2 (NIV)

² and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when^[^a^] you believed?”

They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.”

Acts 19:6 (NIV)

⁶ When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues^[^a^] and prophesied.

Ephesians 1:13 (NIV)

¹³ And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,

1 Thessalonians 1:5 (NIV)

⁵ because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake.

Titus 3:5 (NIV)

⁵ he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,

Hebrews 2:4 (NIV)

⁴ God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.

2 Peter 1:21 (NIV)

²¹ For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

John 14 (NIV)

⁹ Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? ¹⁰ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. ¹¹ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. ¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

What difference does prayer make?

2011-05-16T09:12:00.002-05:00

This week during my devotions I was reading in 2 Kings and came across this in chapter 20:

¹ In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, “This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.”

² Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, ³ “Remember, LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

⁴ Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: ⁵ “Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. ⁶ I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.

What I find particularly relevant in this passage is the thought of what would have happened to Hezekiah had he NOT prayed. God had already told him that he would not recover. That he would die. How many of us in that situation would have just accepted God's word and said "So be it"? The fact that God responds to prayer and changes his plans for us accordingly should give us more than enough reason to persevere in prayer. Not that God will always answer according to our wishes, but one thing is for sure - we have not because we ask not! So keep praying and keep believing. Who knows what God may have in store for you in answer to your prayers?

Just Do It!

2011-05-09T13:02:00.002-05:00

I find myself finally deciding to set aside a specific time for prayer. I think to myself - as soon as the kids get off to school and work and the house is quiet, then I'll settle myself down to some serious prayer time. But wait - maybe I should throw in that load of wash first so it can be done by the time my prayers are finished. Wash in, I go to my favorite chair where I read my Bible. I think - hold on, maybe I should go to my closet so I am completely alone. Or maybe I should lay prostrate on the floor to show my humility. Or maybe I should just go on my knees next to my bed. In the midst of my quandary, I hear God say "Just do it!" Plain and simple.

Remember, when it comes to prayer, the most important thing is that you actually COME and PRAY. Don't worry about what words you will say, or if you are in the right position, or if the timing is right or the place is right. Just do it. The more times you just do it, the easier it will become to do it. So don't make excuses, don't look for perfect conditions. Just do it. God will bless you for it.

Prayer brings peace

2011-05-02T10:05:00.002-05:00

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Phillipians 4:6-5).

When we trust God completely and lay our requests at His feet through prayer, He will fill us with peace. That does not mean that we will receive what we have asked for. Rather, it means that we will come to understand God's perfect love and his His perfect will and in faith, we will accept His way rather than our own.

If only we could comprehend how much God really loves us, we would have no fear of His decisions in regards to our life. "As for God, His way is perfect" (Psalm 18:30, II Samuel 22:31). How comforting to know that God's way is perfect. No matter how difficult our life is and how many trials we are going through, we have the assurance that if we yield our lives to Him, he will take us down the BEST path, the one that will strengthen us and build us up and glorify HIM. It may not be easy, it may not be fun or glamorous, but it will be exactly what we need to bring out the best in us.

When your prayers hit the ceiling...

2011-04-25T11:37:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had times when you pray and it seems as if your prayers go no higher than the ceiling? I wonder sometimes, is God really listening on the other end? Or am I just talking to myself? It can be very frustrating, especially when you are pouring out your heart to God and you are not sure he is even listening.

When this happens, we need to remember that we cannot trust our feelings. We need to rely on what we know about God from the Scriptures. We need to remember that God loves us and he wants us to know his will. He is not trying to hide it from us or frustrate us. Granted, he may need to drive us to our knees to reshape our thinking or to get us to see things differently. Time spent on your knees is never wasted, even if you don't get any immediate answers or you don't "feel" like God heard. Each time we come to God and humbly lay our requests before him and examine our hearts and consecrate our lives, we are changing, little by little.

So, the next time you feel that your prayers are going nowhere, rejoice that God is using your prayers to change you and make you more like him. He always hears. He never sleeps or slumbers. Don't give up - keep praying and keep seeking him and be obedient to each request he makes of you. Always remember that God loves you and he knows what is the best for you to make you into all that you were meant to be.

Ask and it shall be given to you...

2011-04-18T10:41:00.002-05:00

You are probably familiar with Jesus' words from the Gospels. "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you". I wonder how many of us never receive from God because we just never bother asking. We need to become like little children, having a childlike faith and trust that whatever we ask for from God, he will give us. We need to think about God more in terms of a father. If you asked your earthly father for help, would he turn you down? Would he play tricks on you and make you guess what he wanted from you? Would he delight in having you fret and worry and beg him for help? If your earthly father would not do that, how much more would your heavenly Father not behave that way! Remember that God really loves you and he wants you to know His will for you and he wants you to ask for help when you need it. Go to God today and take your requests and discouragement and problems to him. And then praise Him for his wonderful goodness to you. Thank you, Lord, for being a father whom we can trust and believe in and who loves us unconditionally.

Visit Prayer Chain Online to join a prayer group so you can pray with others.

The Power of Commitment

2006-01-21T10:52:00.000-05:00

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." James 1:6-8

I have always found this verse to be rather confusing, never quite sure why the writer would be so harsh on someone who has doubts. I think back to the account of Thomas (who we refer to as Doubting Thomas) when he said "Lord I believe; help my unbelief." We all struggle with doubts, especially when what we see in real life seems to contradict everything we believe.

The issue that James is trying to address here is that of commitment, which has its root in our belief system. When we are truly committed to something, we stand 100% behind it and we believe whole-heartedly in our cause. However, if we have doubts, our commitment level drops and we are no longer effective in our endeavors. Allow me to illustrate this with a real-life example that will exemplify the disastrous affects of doubt.

Having been an employee with the same company for over 14 years, I have always prided myself on my loyalty and my commitment. My diligence and hard work has been rewarded over the years, and my work has brought me much personal satisfaction. However, over the past few months, things changed drastically for me as I began to entertain the idea of leaving and joining another company. The thoughts of working in a different field excited me. Perhaps I just needed a change. But would the risks be worth the reward? I struggled with the uncertainty and wavered in my decision.

Unknowingly, the doubts about my current role and my wavering commitment to my current employer took its toll. I was no longer a happy, satisfied employee. I no longer gave a 100% to my projects. My thoughts were turned elsewhere. I couldn't quite bring myself to leave, but I couldn't quite bring myself to stay, either. I became a "double-minded man [woman], unstable in all his [my] ways." And honestly, I do believe that I became "good for nothing" as I no longer had the zeal to excel as I had in the past.

When the Lord revealed this to me a few weeks ago, I knew that it was time to make a decision. I needed to commit one way or another - either leave and move on or commit myself fully. I decided to turn down the lucrative job offer that I had received. I made a conscious decision to stop entertaining the prospect of leaving and to commit myself fully to my current employer and stop wavering, stop doubting.

The result of this decision has been profound. I have a renewed excitement about my work and I am committed to making my company successful. I am now single-focused, committed. What a difference it has made in my own joy in life and my attitude at work. I now look at my work as an opportunity to excel, and I find myself willing to take on new challenges and invest myself in my work. I have more energy than I have had in months. And I am truly happy.

This issue of commitment affects every area of our lives. Perhaps you are experiencing doubt about a relationship or doubt about an activity in which you are engaging. Your doubt will cause a lack of commitment which will make you extremely unhappy and unproductive. I encourage you to determine what you want out of your relationships, your job, your activities and make a conscious decision to give yourself completely to what you believe in. Then you will no longer be "blown and tossed by the wind", but you will be stong and steadfast, living according to your beliefs. Only then can you experience personal joy and fulfillment. Only then will you truly be living.

Living By Your Goals

2006-01-14T21:26:00.001-05:00

With the New Year's holiday only a few short weeks behind, it amazes me how quickly many of us forget our goals. With my new emphasis this year of living as if it were my last year of life, I decided to develop a set of goals to guide my year and to really stick to it. There is so much I want to accomplish and I needed a good plan in order to really have a productive year. What I didn't anticipate, however, is how quickly my goals would be challenged and how difficult they would be to keep.

Last week I received a job offer that was very tempting. While I have been with my current company for over 14 years, I have to admit that the prospect of working on my own, writing books for a company in France, was quite appealing. No more demanding clients, hectic schedules or project deadlines. No more phones ringing, time sheets to update or meetings to attend. If it had not been for the goals that I had set just days before, I probably would have taken the offer. And it probably would have been a huge mistake.

Since my goals revolved around what I really wanted to accomplish this year, I had to ask myself if writing project management books was what I really wanted to spend my time on, especially if this was the last year of my life. While I definitely have some writing that I want to do in order to leave my mark on the world, project management definitely does not rank up there as an important life topic to spend my time on. And, even though I like the subject and have the knowledge to write the books, I needed to ask myself if I am really passionate about it. As I stated in my previous entry, passion is essential for us to truly enjoy life and to achieve personal satisfaction in our endeavors. So, I gratefully declined the offer.

While some people may think that setting goals for the new year is a futile effort, I truly believe that you have a higher probability of achieving what you want if you set goals than if you set none. Even if you don't reach all of your goals, you will undoubtedly reach some and you will have more focus and ambition in your life. Setting goals also provides you with a set of guidelines for your life that can guide your decisions and make the decision process less laborious and more satisfying. So, if you really want to have a satisfying life and make decisions that are good for you and fit in with your life's goals, sit down and write up your goals for the year and what you really want to accomplish. Then, simply stick to your goals, live by them, and let them guide your actions throughout the year.

It's All About Passion

2006-01-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

Last week we had a meeting of our strategic planning team at work. We were discussing what our unique identifier is as a company. As we shared ideas, we eventually settled on the word "passion". What makes us different from our competition is our passion for technology.

I thought about this word passion all week long. How often do we really think about what we are passionate about? And how many of us live out our passions in our daily lives? I am fortunate enough to have a career doing something that I love. Computers fascinate me, and I love learning and applying new technologies. But what are the real benefits of passion?

Passion makes the difference between doing something from obligation or doing it for the love of it. Passion enables you to work harder and longer at something than you would ever dream possible. It causes you to press on, to not give up. It pushes you to excel, to reach new heights, to dream new dreams and to achieve more than you believe possible. Passion is the difference between living and existing.

I would encourage you to take the time to think about what you are passionate about. What is it that gives you a zest for living, that can consume your time without ever feeling like a chore? What brings you happiness and fulfillment, a sense of accomplishment and victory? If you can find your passion in life, you will be truly blessed. And if you pursue your passion and focus on it, you will begin truly living.

What would you do?

2005-12-10T10:42:00.000-05:00

During conversation with a friend this week, the question came up: If you knew for certain that you only had one year left to live, what would you do? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. None of us really know how long we have to live. There are no guarantees that any of us, no matter how healthy we are, have even a year left to live.

Not that I am trying to sound morbid, or that we should all sit around lamenting that we may soon be dead, but I think it is very telling about ourselves when we try to answer that question. How many people would answer, "I would do exactly what I am doing now!". The fact that so many of us are spending our lives doing what we really don't want to do so that someday we can "live" the way we want is very sad, indeed.

So, for me the answer is that I would quit working so hard and do some things that I love to do. I would begin writing so that my thoughts and ideas would not be lost forever and that I would live on after I leave this world. I would travel all over the world. I would spend more time with my family and just enjoy life. I would spend more time in prayer and getting to know Jesus more intimitely, since I will soon be spending eternity with Him. I would laugh more and cry less.

Maybe I have a year left, maybe I have 50 years left. But the real question is, why can't I start living my life now as if it were the precious commodity that it is? I want to make a promise to myself that I will try as much as possible to live this next year as if it were my last. If I can accomplish that, I believe it will truly be the happiest year of my life.

Fool me once...

2005-11-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

We've all heard the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." How is it that I find myself in a position where I have not only been fooled twice, but literally hundreds of times? Why is it that some people have an inate ability to forgive and to hope that things will be different even though they have been let down time and time again?

I think some of this comes with motherhood. I know that I am usually criticized by friends for being too quick to forgive my children. I have to admit that somewhere along the way I gained a soft heart. I can still be strict, but when my children fail, I am quick to forgive them and give them new opportunites to either fail or succeed. Sometimes it takes a few failures before they turn the corner and start to see success. But as a mother, I can't help but forgive and forgive and forgive.

When Jesus was asked how many times we should forgive, he said 7 times 70. The point he was trying to make is that we need to continually forgive each other for our shortcomings and our failures. But where do we draw the line between forgiveness and being used?

It is not always easy to know when you are being used. I suspect that I am being used, and inside things don't feel right, but yet I find myself forgiving someone for the same things over and over again, year after year. At what point do I stop and tell myself that this person will never change? That there is no hope left and that all my efforts are futile? Alas, love is the great conqueror and keeps me from giving up when all seems hopeless. I will keep trusting in God to give me strength and continue to show love and forgiveness to those who continually fail me and let me down.

Everything is Fixable

2005-11-03T19:50:00.000-05:00

It has been a rather depressing week for me and I guess my frustration was showing today when a good friend stopped by my desk to see how I was doing. When I told him that I was having difficulty with my son, he said "Is it his health?" I said no, and then proceeded to tell him about the problems we were having. He said to me "Other than health, everything is fixable."

I thought about that for a while after he left. My problems seemed so overwhelming just minutes earlier, but suddenly things didn't seem as bad. He was right. No matter how difficult the situation, everything is fixable. I thank God for giving me healthy children. Difficulties will come and go and with God's help, we will get through them. Years from now we will look back and think "that wasn't so tough".

So now I am just praying for strength for me and my son to get through this difficult time. I know that God is in control and I am thankful that he has given me this fixable situation. I know we will all be stronger when we get through it. If you are going through struggles in your own life, put things into perspective. Give it to God and allow him to help you fix it. And be thankful that everything really is fixable.

The Joys and Frustrations of Teenagers

2005-10-30T18:16:00.000-05:00

When I first thought about writing on this topic a few days ago, my mind was filled with thoughts about how fulfilling it is to watch your teens grow into adults, watch as they make decisions, learn from their mistakes, and formulate their ideas about the world. I was feeling warm fuzzies about my three teens, and had been enjoying some very special times over the past few weeks.

Then reality hits today. Last night, as I drove to pick up my son for the umpteenth time this week from a party where he assured me he had a ride home from, my frustrations were mounting. After grounding him for two weeks and exhanging a few words, I thought things were pretty settled. I patted myself on the back for being firm, yet loving, and for standing by my convictions and holding my ground.

My son seemed frustrated today, but not more than usual on a Sunday when I am dragging him to church. He seemed rather polite at dinner and seemed to accept his fate of lawn-raking for the afternoon. After dinner, he headed out the door to rake. At least that was my assumption. One that soon turned out to be incorrect, as I realized he had disappeared. A few phone calls later and I found out that he had planned to leave and that he had no intentions of coming back, at least not for a few days.

So, what does a parent do in this situation? How do you handle it when you lose control and you can no longer make them obey you? At one time there was enough fear of Mom that my kids didn't dare disobey. However, as they become older and wiser, they quickly realize that there is nothing that you can really do about their disobedience. Some more investigative worked revealed things about my son that I didn't really want to know. My teen daughters helped me through the maze of IM logs to figure out what my son has been up to. It is not easy to realize that your faith and trust in someone has been misplaced. I am frustrated and heartbroken. And of course, I am angry. Very angry...

The real test is going to be how I continue to show love and model Christ's love to my son while setting down the rules of required behavior in my home. I guess this is where tough love comes in. Sometimes I think tough love is tougher on the one who is using it than the one on the receiving end. But I will hang tough and pray for strength. I know that frustration is part of the world of raising teens, but eventually joy will come. May God help me to make it till then...

Conquering Fear

2005-10-20T20:17:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I took a drive to a ministry conference in Connecticut. I drove there alone, to a place I had never been, to meet with a group of people I didn't know. Halfway there I said to myself "What am I doing? I must be crazy!" But the weekend turned out to be fantastic and I came away with new friends and lasting memories.

While many people may not think this is a big deal, to a person who has lived a life full of fear, this was a tremendous testimony to the growth that the Lord has brought about in me over the past 6 years. I remember the first time I traveled to Florida with my children without another adult accompanying me. I was tremendously fearful. I was a nervous wreck, but it turned out to be a turning point in my life. I remember how proud I felt that I had actually done it, flown with four young children, rented a mini-van, drove to all our destinations, took the kids to the pool, etc. There were so many fears overcome (or at least endured) on that trip, that it unleashed a new courage in me to try new things and venture out from my safe little world.

So gradually I began coming out of my comfort zone. I began to socialize more and joined a professional organization where I would meet new people and even take on a leadership role. I faced my fear of failure by taking the PMP exam and I began taking on-line classes to pursue my Ph.D. I am not always comfortable in these situations, especially in large groups of people, but I have come to learn that nothing is as bad as it seems and once I push myself to do something and commit myself, I am rarely disappointed in the outcome.

Fear is something that is really not rational. You can't tell someone not to be afraid or even reason with a fearful person why they shouldn't be afraid. Reason has nothing to do with it. And a person who is controlled by fear is in a very difficult state, one which is difficult to overcome. But by taking small steps and building on each success, freedom from fear is possible.

Our Government is Bleeding Us Dry

2005-09-16T18:55:00.000-05:00

Today was a tough day to listen to the local news. Oil prices are soaring and the Katrina disaster will cost of tens of billions of dollars. Our county executive here in Erie County, NY was on the radio today talking about his proposed 50% hike in property taxes and an additional 1% sales tax (for a total of 9.25%). The radio announcer talked about how our natural gas prices are expected to go up 35% this winter - somehow this is related to Katrina, although I still can't quite make the connection. Furthermore, we are being told to expect only a mild increase of 19% in our health insurance rates (which is far better than the 25-30% of the last few years).

So here I sit, trying to balance my checkbook and figure out where all my money went. My school tax bill arrived today - only $2,700. I can't wait to see what awaits me on the county tax bill in February. I just can't help but feel that our government is bleeding us dry. And I don't just mean the federal government, which currently takes about 25% of my paycheck and the state government which takes even more. It is the government's lack of control that allows our gas prices to soar to almost $3.50 per gallon and allows the utility companies to continue to enjoy record profits while claiming hardship. And, now that we have had 2 airlines declare bankruptcy just this week, will we be expected to bail them out as well?

I am just wondering - who is going to bail me out when I am forced into bankruptcy? The government takes from my paycheck to help the poor and underpriveleged. But it won't be long before we are ALL poor and underprivileged. You can't keep making the working half of the country pay for the non-working half. Why should I pay for someone else's health insurance when I am struggling to pay my own? The middle class is getting squeezed. The bottom half of the middle class are falling into the lower class. Something needs to change soon or there will be no one left to pay for everyone.

I can't help but wonder how many of us would be able to easily take care of ourselves and have money left over to help others who deserve it if we just had our paychecks for ourselves without any taxes. We can only imagine...

Imperfection

2005-09-15T18:09:00.000-05:00

Being born a perfectionist and living with a perfectionist father and twin sister created a lot of internal tension during my life. Even though I have now come to understand that none of us are perfect (nor are we expected to be), it still causes me extreme stress when I don't live up to my own expectations. Other people are far more accepting and forgiving of me than I am of myself. At times, I am my own worst enemy, tearing myself down, minimizing my accomplishments and exaggerating my failures. Is there any hope for me?

I try to understand God's love for me and I still find it amazing that he could love someone so flawed and imperfect. He knows everything about me and yet still loves me - how awesome is that? I try to think about my own kids and how I do not expect them to be perfect. When they fail, I still love them. More and more I feel that it is a trick of the devil to try to keep us from realizing our full position in Christ. If Satan can but keep us down, keep us feeling like a failure, then we are of little use to the Kingdom of God. He would love for us to remain ineffective, insecure, and feeling unloved.

I am determined to start talking to myself in a positive light. So many times I find that I am berating myself, tearing myself down, hurling accusations and insults. I am determined to try to do some good in this world, despite my imperfections. My prayer is that God will help me deal with the hurts and insults that come my way from others as well as myself and that I would realize that Satan uses not only me, but others as well to tear me down. Lord, please help me to look to you when I feel weak and when I fail. Help me to have hope that with you, I can succeed and I can be loved, imperfections and all.

The Lousianna Disaster

2005-09-06T20:37:00.000-05:00

I call this the Louisianna Disaster and not the Katrina Disaster because the real disaster is not what happened by way of the storm, but rather what happened in the hearts and minds of the people who determined to stay in Louisianna. I have never seen so many people who somehow felt that they were entitled to help and support. Mind you, it is not that we all didn't try to send money and send people to assist them. But we weren't fast enough, and they were inconvenienced by not having enough food or air conditioning.

I have talked at length to others among my family and friends and we all have this uneasy feeling about helping these people. I know when tragedy falls on most of us, we are grateful for any help we are given. I can't remember a time that I ever just expected anyone to help me. After all, taking care of me and my family is my responsibility, isn't it? Since when did we become a nation where we expect our government (or anyone else for that matter) to take care of us?

I am very saddened at the loss of homes and the loss of life. However, I am very angry that somehow the liberal left has turned this into yet another opportunity for Bush-bashing. I guess the fact that President Bush declared Louisianna a state of emergency two days early and offered to take over the evacuation plan was not enough for the arrogant governor of that state to allow President Bush to help. Was this a ploy by the left to find a way to discredit the president? Did they think to themselves, Hey, if we let all these people die we can blame it on Bush and say he hates blacks? While it seems preposterous to even think such things, you do start to wonder why this democratic governor seemed to refuse help from all sides and then afterwards whines about how she begged and begged for help but no one came.

I for one, have decided to donate money to the Humane Society to help the animals get cared for. It's all just semantics. They are all acting like animals down there. At least I know that the furry ones will be grateful.