Imperfection

Being born a perfectionist and living with a perfectionist father and twin sister created a lot of internal tension during my life. Even though I have now come to understand that none of us are perfect (nor are we expected to be), it still causes me extreme stress when I don't live up to my own expectations. Other people are far more accepting and forgiving of me than I am of myself. At times, I am my own worst enemy, tearing myself down, minimizing my accomplishments and exaggerating my failures. Is there any hope for me?

I try to understand God's love for me and I still find it amazing that he could love someone so flawed and imperfect. He knows everything about me and yet still loves me - how awesome is that? I try to think about my own kids and how I do not expect them to be perfect. When they fail, I still love them. More and more I feel that it is a trick of the devil to try to keep us from realizing our full position in Christ. If Satan can but keep us down, keep us feeling like a failure, then we are of little use to the Kingdom of God. He would love for us to remain ineffective, insecure, and feeling unloved.

I am determined to start talking to myself in a positive light. So many times I find that I am berating myself, tearing myself down, hurling accusations and insults. I am determined to try to do some good in this world, despite my imperfections. My prayer is that God will help me deal with the hurts and insults that come my way from others as well as myself and that I would realize that Satan uses not only me, but others as well to tear me down. Lord, please help me to look to you when I feel weak and when I fail. Help me to have hope that with you, I can succeed and I can be loved, imperfections and all.